So Far
by Kathryn Claire O'Connor
Summary: Catherine and Caleb experience their first difficult night as parents after adopting a three-year-old girl from China. Inspired by the Casting Crowns song "So Far to Find You." Catherine's POV.


Catherine could still remember the first time that she and Caleb saw three year old Emily. Since their adopted daughter had still lived in China at the time, that meant that they had nothing more to see of her than a few photos and a video, but they had looked over those few items until they knew them all by heart. Every tilting smile on her lips, every glimmer in her eyes, the way her nose crinkled a little when she laughed.

In the second video that they had received of their precious child came an unexpected dose of reality. In the first few seconds of the video, before a caretaker had picked Emily up and taken her into a separate room to play, their young daughter was seen in the dormitory room where she slept. She had been sitting alone in a crib - three years old and still in a crib, thanks to overcrowding in the orphanage, the adoption coordinator had informed them - and she had been crying her pretty black eyes out. The sight had broken Catherine's heart a little.

That night Catherine had prayed harder than ever with Caleb for the safe deliverance of their daughter into her arms, arms that could practically feel Emily resting in them. If she had previously had any doubts about adopting Emily, they had all evaporated with that video. Catherine loved her child, and she couldn't wait to bring her home.

And it seemed like forever before she and Caleb had reached this day, the day that they brought Emily back to Albany to live with them for the rest of her childhood. But now that they had her home, things were not going how Catherine had hoped that they would.

It was currently two a.m. and Emily was sitting curled up in the farthest corner of her bed with tears streaming down her face while she stared at her new parents, terrified and confused.

Catherine was almost in tears herself as she sat on the floor beside Caleb, both of them at a loss of what to do when she wouldn't even let them near her. Caleb shifted, trying to get more comfortable on the floor, and Emily screamed, thinking that he was going to try and come near her. Catherine squeezed her eyes closed and decided to delve back in once again.

"Come on, sweet Emily," Catherine crooned desperately, beginning to crawl towards the toddler bed on her hands and knees. "Can't you let Mommy help you tonight? Let me rock you, maybe?"

Emily opened her mouth to scream again and Catherine retreated back to Caleb. God, she prayed, Is this really what Caleb and I have waited, prayed, and worked so long for? For her to hate us? I love her, Lord, she's my daughter! Why is she fighting us so much? Caleb and I worked so hard for this, we've come so far together to get to this point; she's the piece that makes our family complete. We traveled halfway across the world to get her so that she wouldn't be alone anymore, but she just doesn't want us. Now she's more scared than she ever was back in China! I've done everything that I know to do; she won't let me even talk to her without her crying. Why can't she just see that I only want to hold her? Why can't she see how much I love her?

Caleb's head fell over onto her shoulder, pulling her out of her prayer that had practically become a rant. He had fallen asleep. Catherine sighed tiredly and leaned her head back against the wall, watching Emily as she watched them. And in Emily's tearful, wary gaze, Catherine saw something that took her breath away. She saw herself. Running her fingers absently through her husband's hair, Catherine thought back to when Caleb had been doing the Love Dare, all of those years ago. Every time he had done something noticeably nice - which had literally been every day - she had ran from his actions, from the affection and devotion to her that he was obviously displaying.

She remembered that in the mornings she could always hear him beginning his day with a prayer. And always, without fail, her name had been the first request off of his tongue, as well as the last before his "amen." And still she had fought him, ran from him as hard and as fast as she could while he was doing everything he could to allow him to hold her again.

With this realization, Catherine had begun to cry. "Oh, Emily..." she whispered. "Baby, I know you're scared. I understand, sweetheart. I really do. But, you know what?" Catherine smiled through her tears. "Things are going to get better for you, for us. I just know it."

Emily's eyelids began to droop, and after a minute longer, she finally gave up and fell into a deep sleep. Catherine smiled and wiped at her own tears.

"Caleb, wake up," she whispered in her husband's ear. "Emily went to sleep."

Caleb stirred, then stretched his sore muscles as he roused. "Should we try going back to our own bed?"

Catherine nodded and Caleb stumbled to his feet then helped her to hers.

"I'll be in after a minute." Catherine murmured.

"Okay." Caleb kissed her forehead and then headed back to the comfort of their bedroom.

Catherine padded in her socked feet up to her new daughter's bed and slid to her knees. She bowed her head and began to pray again, lifting her daughter up to her God. At the end of her prayer, she brushed Emily's black hair out of her eyes and gently kissed the girl's forehead. They still had so far to go, but this moment in time felt like a solid starting point in her life as a mother.

"I'll love you forever, Emily Holt."

* * *

**My third Fireproof fic! Inspired by the Casting Crowns song "So Far to Find You." It was stated in the Courageous novelization that Caleb and Catherine were adopting a little girl from China that they wanted to name Emily. This is a story that I came up with because of that. Please review! It'd make my day! Thanks everybody!:)**


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